FUND IV — NOW DEPLOYING · LP ALLOCATION 0.4% REMAINING

We turn your pre-revenue into our pre-money.

Bullsh*t.vc is a $4.2B early-stage fund backing founders who can say "agentic" three times without blinking. We were early. To everything. We will tell you about it at length.

01 / THESIS

We don't fund companies. We fund inevitabilities.

Software is eating the world, and we are eating the software. We invest at the intersection of where things are going and where the money already is — a category we coined and refuse to define.

Our edge is conviction. While other funds ask "does this work," we ask "what if it did, and we'd told everyone we knew." We move at the speed of trust, which is to say before the deck loads.

We are stage-agnostic, sector-agnostic, and, increasingly, fact-agnostic. If your TAM is large enough to be embarrassing, we should talk.

A.Pattern-match relentlessly. Every founder is the next someone. We just have to figure out who, then overpay.
B.Default alive, briefly. We back companies that are 18 months from running out of our money.
C.Be early to being early. By the time it's a trend, we've already told the press we called it.
D.Add value, allegedly. One intro, two podcasts, and a Slack you'll never hear from again.
02 / THE PITCH MACHINE

Generate a fundable company. We'll pretend it was our idea.

BULLSH*T TERMINAL — DEAL ENGINE v4.2
Press Generate.
A category-defining nothing, valued accordingly.
It's ▮▮▮▮ for ▮▮▮▮.
ARR (annualized MRR ×12)
Valuation
Burn multiple
Growth (since Tue)
Partner verdict
Awaiting conviction…
03 / PORTFOLIO

Selected investments. The rest are in stealth, or gone.

Series B
Tide

Uber, but the cars are also wet. Reinventing mobility for the splash economy.

Series A
Loom·inati

Async video for people who have already made up their minds. Meetings that should've been a vibe.

Pre-seed
Praystation

A subscription layer for talking to God. Now with priority routing (closed beta).

Series C
Ledgr

Blockchain for keeping secrets from yourself. Immutable, regrettable, fully on-chain.

Seed
Nap

An AI that sleeps so your team doesn't have to. Rest as a service. Burn as a feature.

Stealth
Mulchcorp

We're not telling you yet. Honestly we're not sure either. The round is closing.

04 / PARTNERS

The people who will not return your follow-up email.

Chad Vantmore
General Partner

Pattern-matches at scale. Was early to being early. Believes deeply in founders, for about a quarter. Coined "pre-product-market-fit-fit."

Priya Exitwell
Managing Partner

Has never lost money on paper. Sees around corners she also installed. Three exits, none confirmed. Will ask about your moat, then your childhood.

Brock Liquidity
Partner, Platform

Joined from a fund you've heard of. Will not say which. Adds value via one Slack channel and an aggressive posting cadence. Reply guy to the industry.

Pitch us.

Tell us nothing in 200 words. If we're interested, you'll never hear from us again with great enthusiasm.

Avg. response time: never · 11 min if you went to the right school
Wire received. Allegedly.